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By: Clive Hook
Tuning into people and understanding their thinking, feelings and motivation helps you quickly build relationships and puts you at an advantage in selling, influencing and leading as well as vastly improving your coaching style and skills Use these ten tips to very quickly understand what makes people tick.
1 To understand people means being able to form a coherent picture of the person, their situation, their interests, their values and their drivers. To do this quickly, skilfully and elegantly means using structured questions and collating the answers in a mental model that gives you a rich picture to examine and review.
2 Start with some basic questions. Who, What, Where, When, How questions provide you with data that most people do not find too difficult to share. "Where do you work?" "What's your name?" are usually non-intrusive and tell you about the person and situation. Do not ask "Why" at this stage...
3 Take something that seems of interest to them and ask non-factual questions which say something more about the person - not just the basic facts and data. Likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts and feelings are all in this category. "So what do you like about that type of work?" is an example.
4 Ask questions which are about the future, these give you information about their thinking, aspirations and hopes. Such questions as "So how do you see that working out?" "Where do you see yourself in three years' time?" "What's next for you?" give you much more than just facts and data.
5 Use the "sounds like" construction in phrases like "...sounds like that was a problem" or "...sounds like you enjoy doing that" to confirm your pictures when they are describing non-factual information. This helps you to confirm you've heard it right and also opens up other avenues for discussion or questions
6 To understand someone's personal values and what motivates them you need specific permission to explore that area. Pause and preface your question with "Can I ask?" before asking "Why is that important to you?" - This "Why" question is very thought provoking and they may need time to think before answering.
7 Review your pictures for places where things don't add up. 2+2=5 means either you haven't asked a question or haven't understood an element in the other person's answer. Ask a question which fills the gap - "I haven't quite got this - is it you or your boss that organises the meetings?"
8 Listen for "pings" - like the cartoon light bulb that goes on over someone's head in a comic when they have an idea. "Pings" happen when people say things like "...if it turns out like I hope" or "...with a bit of luck" - this is a cue to ask more.
9 Working to understand people means asking questions for clarification. This is easy unless their answers conflict with how you see the world, your views or your version of the truth. Notice when you are straying from your primary task of understanding them and briefly summarise to get back on track.
10 Summarise frequently to make sure you stay tuned in, to show you're listening and to build your pictures. If you picture well you do not need to take notes - your capacity for picturing and mentally viewing those pictures means you can stay engaged and attentive not looking at your writing.
Increasing your personal presence, impact and influence comes from really tuning into others, not trying to amplify your own qualities. These 10 tips will get you noticed, get you contacts and get you business.
Author Resource:->??Clive is co-owner of ClearWorth , a company specialising in bespoke manager, leader and team development for major organisations around the world. Clive lives in the UK and France and works all over the world in 26 countries in the last 10 years from Ohio to Oman, London to Lagos, Surrey to Syria. Clive thinks, teaches and writes about negotiation, influence, interpersonal relationships and cross cultural communication.
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