Sunday, March 31, 2013

Mutually Abusive Relationship - Can Therapy Help?


General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.


Old Today, 10:49 AM ? #1 (permalink)

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Hello everyone!

I am new to the forum, and I am hoping I can get some good advice and input from people who have been through similar situations. Please forgive the length of this post but I want to give as many details as possible.

My SO and I have been together for a little over 6 years. I am 33 and he is 40. At times throughout the relationship, we have had issues. He has a very unstable background and has been cheated on in all his past relationships. I come from a very emotionally abusive background and witnessed both my parents fight constantly when I was young. My mother is also very controlling, abusive and manipulative.

That being said, we are now acting out our issues in a vicious cycle with each other that is not getting any better. It reached a point last week where I actually called my father to come help me move out. I am not afraid of physical abuse, but the emotional and mental abuse had gotten to be too much.

The typical cycle of the fight is this: I confront him with something, usually when I am frustrated. This is not usually something he is done, it is more like a situation that needs fixing (the cat tore one of the screens, something is wrong with the dryer, etc.). He either A. reacts non emotionally to me and we solve the problem together or B. reacts like he is being attacked and then shuts me down with some quick dismissal of the situation (why are you so uptight about it? how did I cause this problem and why are you yelling at me?, etc.). If the latter reaction happens, I then get mad that I am not being heard or that he is not listening to me and I do everything in my power to MAKE him hear me. This includes me yelling at him. If he walks out of the room I will follow him and talk to him until I am blue in the face. He will then at some point lose it with me, scream at me and call me every name in the book, and then leave the house. It should be noted that he has NEVER been physical with me. I, on the other hand, have shoved him, hit him on the shoulder, and thrown things at him. He is VERY verbally abusive with the name calling.

The last straw was where he told me he wanted me out of his house and out of his life, and then proceeded to tell me what I was doing to him was the equivalent of him spitting on me (he illustrated this by spitting on my feet) and then just saying I was sorry and expecting him to be fine. That was it for me. I said fine, you want me out then I am gone.

I left, went to stay at my mother in law's house for the night and then went back the next day with my Dad when he was not home to get all of my things. When he came home and saw everything gone, he lost it. Called me, begged me to come home. Asked if my Dad would be willing to talk to both of us and act as mediator. (It should be noted that my Dad and Mom are now divorced and that my Dad went through intense therapy to overcome his issues in the marriage. He is currently going through classes to become a certified counselor to help others who are in his former situation.)

My Dad listened to both of us for over three hours and came to the conclusion that I am abusing my SO by berating him verbally when I feel like I am not being heard. My SO is abusing me when he is calling me names. He suggested we go to counseling, and both SO and I agreed. We are starting next week.

Here are my issues:

1. Deep down, I feel like what I have done to my SO is not nearly as bad as what he has done to me.

2. I feel like my SO does not accept responsibility for his actions ie. "If she didn't just keep pushing me, I would never get to the point of calling her those names".

These are (I think) going to be the two main things we are really going to have to work on.

Does anyone have any advice for this?

I will say that we do genuinely love each other and we both do want things to be better. I would also say that not all aspects of the relationship are broken. Neither one of us seeks the other out to abuse them ie. he doesn't just come into the room and say "hey you suck" and I don't just pick a fight to pick a fight. And we do laugh. We laugh so much with each other. Overall I think it's mostly good, we just have one aspect that is unfortunately REALLY bad.

Again, we both want to work this out. "Just leave him" is not the response I am looking for from anyone. I feel like we do have a good shot with counseling, and I am looking for advice on what I can do to make the counseling as effective as possible.

Thanks in advance for any imput!

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Old Today, 11:00 AM ? #2 (permalink)

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My Dad listened to both of us for over three hours and came to the conclusion that I am abusing my SO by berating him verbally when I feel like I am not being heard. My SO is abusing me when he is calling me names
I think your Dad is right about both of you. A relationship without respect isn't much of a relationship.

For the record you equally are mistreating one another, it's not you doing something worse or he doing something worse, it's both of you on your worst behavior.

And let's go further. You say you feel he's not accepting responsibility for his actions... what you are saying is that he is responsible for controlling his temper. This is true. But so are YOU. What responsibility are you taking for that? There is such thing as cause and effect. Yelling at him will produce... what? That's right, an equally offensive response (since you both lack self control).

Following him around yelling at him is bullying. If you don't want to get called out of your name, you need to knock it off. Not saying his reaction is right, but you are setting yourself up to be hurt when you do that.

Glad you're going to therapy together. I hope you get some new tools for communicating better.

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Old Today, 12:05 PM ? #5 (permalink)

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A Bit Much - I agree. I am willing to acknowlege that what I am doing as wrong, but I also don't want him to use that as a get out of jail free card in therapy like "she does this, so I do that". I mean, at the end of the day, he chooses what to say to me. Nothing justifies either of our behaviors.

Jamison - We are starting counseling ASAP.

Josh - Yes ! I do realize that! That's why I said I think those are the two things we have to REALLY work on. We both think that what we are doing to the other one is no big deal, and that what the other is doing to us is huge. Neither one of us thinks that OUR OWN behavior is really that bad.

All - Are there any questions that I could ask a therapist or any topics to bring up that would be beneficial?

Also, the fallout with my girlfriends has been awful. They all know about the last fight, they know my Dad came up, and now they know we're trying counseling. With the exception of a couple of them, they all think I am Rhianna and he is Chris Brown. A few of them have outright told me I am crazy and just a battered woman who is running back to her abuser.

It's starting to make me think I AM crazy. Again, he has NEVER been physically abusive with me. Not one single time. I also have never felt threatened in that way.

I feel like, even if we go to counseling and get help and things change that those friendships will never be the same. Is this something I just have to accept?

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Old Today, 12:18 PM ? #6 (permalink)

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Also, the fallout with my girlfriends has been awful. They all know about the last fight, they know my Dad came up, and now they know we're trying counseling. With the exception of a couple of them, they all think I am Rhianna and he is Chris Brown. A few of them have outright told me I am crazy and just a battered woman who is running back to her abuser.

It's starting to make me think I AM crazy. Again, he has NEVER been physically abusive with me. Not one single time. I also have never felt threatened in that way.

I feel like, even if we go to counseling and get help and things change that those friendships will never be the same. Is this something I just have to accept?

This is what happens when you allow your friends to be all up in your business, and your Dad too. I wasn't going to comment before but now I see there are all these other people between you I should say it's not a good idea to do that.

One thing you should remember when you want to overshare is that you will let things go and forgive once you calm down... you move on and it's a brand new day and you're all in love again. Your friends, your family don't. They don't love him and don't share what you share together. They hear the bad stuff and it stays with them long after you've let it all go.

It's exactly what happened to Chris and Rihanna. See how they got back together? Well not one of us is IN their relationship, we judge what they put out there to us and it looked really bad. At the end of the day though, she forgives him and loves him anyway. Others may not like it, but honestly it's not our business, it's theirs.

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Old Today, 01:01 PM ? #11 (permalink)

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Quote:

The typical cycle of the fight is this: I confront him with something, usually when I am frustrated. This is not usually something he is done, it is more like a situation that needs fixing (the cat tore one of the screens, something is wrong with the dryer, etc.). He either A. reacts non emotionally to me and we solve the problem together or B. reacts like he is being attacked and then shuts me down with some quick dismissal of the situation (why are you so uptight about it? how did I cause this problem and why are you yelling at me?, etc.). If the latter reaction happens, I then get mad that I am not being heard or that he is not listening to me and I do everything in my power to MAKE him hear me. This includes me yelling at him. If he walks out of the room I will follow him and talk to him until I am blue in the face. He will then at some point lose it with me, scream at me and call me every name in the book, and then leave the house. It should be noted that he has NEVER been physical with me. I, on the other hand, have shoved him, hit him on the shoulder, and thrown things at him. He is VERY verbally abusive with the name calling.

I think part of your cycle is that as you state here, you come to him with something that isnt a confrontational issue AS a confrontation.: " I confront him with something, usually when I am frustrated. This is not usually something he is done, it is more like a situation that needs fixing ". Why would you "confront" him about issues like these? It sounds like his defenses immediately go up because you come at him with both guns blazing, instead of like, "hey, can you help me with something?" And NO ONE wants someone following them around screaming their fool head off at them, either. You are lucky he hasnt popped you one for that actually, its probably just a matter of time if you continue. I think you would do well to change your approach to him, ease up. You seem full of a lot of anger and resentment, and what you are doing is counterproductive. I am seeing that YOU are the one being abusive in this situation, and he is responding to that. Responding badly, yes, and that is what HE needs to work on.
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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/70396-mutually-abusive-relationship-can-therapy-help.html

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Justin Bieber's monkey quarantined in Germany

BERLIN (AP) ? Justin Bieber had to leave a monkey in quarantine after landing in Germany last week without the necessary papers for the animal, an official said Saturday.

The 19-year-old singer arrived at Munich airport last Thursday. When he went through customs, he didn't have the documentation necessary to bring the capuchin monkey into the country, so the animal had to stay with authorities, customs spokesman Thomas Meister said.

Bieber performed in Munich on Thursday, beginning the latest leg of his European tour. He later tweeted: "Munich was a good time. And loud. The bus is headed to Vienna now. U coming?" He didn't mention the monkey.

The Canadian singer is giving several concerts in Austria and then in Germany over the next week.

Bieber had a trying stay in London recently. The star struggled with his breathing and fainted backstage at a show, was taken to a hospital and then was caught on camera clashing with a paparazzo. Days earlier, he was booed by his beloved fans when he showed up late to a concert.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/justin-biebers-monkey-quarantined-germany-115441678.html

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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Video: Obama tries to console Miami basketball fans (cbsnews)

Share With Friends: Share on FacebookTweet ThisPost to Google-BuzzSend on GmailPost to Linked-InSubscribe to This Feed | Rss To Twitter | Politics - Top Stories Stories, News Feeds and News via Feedzilla.

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Songkick

  • Pros

    Makes it a breeze to find artist tour dates. Taps iTunes, Last.fm, and other sources to help you find tour dates. Free.

  • Cons Requires a Facebook account to sign in. Unattractive design that doesn't mirror the beautiful look of the mobile app.
  • Bottom Line

    Songkick makes it easy for music fans to keep an eye on their favorite artists' tour dates?and purchase show tickets?by alerting them to when musicians and comedians are in town.

By Jeffrey L. Wilson

Hardcore music fans have their beloved bands' tour schedules seemingly imprinted on their souls, but those of us with more casual devotions may have trouble keeping tabs on our favorite artists' performance dates. Enter Songkick, a free Web service (also available as an Android?and iOS app) that notifies you when an artist plans to come to your town. Concertgoers, consider Songkick a must-bookmark site.

How Songkick Works
You obtain concert information by logging in with your Facebook credentials (unfortunately, this is the only way to sign up), keying an artist's name into the search box, clicking the search icon, selecting the artist's database entry, and then clicking "Track." You'll know that an artist is on tour if you see a red "On Tour" sash adorning the listing. If an artist isn't on tour, Songkick simply displays "No Upcoming Events."

Songkick also lets you discover upcoming concerts by tapping your personal tastes that are recorded in other sites and services. A column on the home page's right side lets you import artist information from your Facebook, iTunes, Last.fm, Pandora, or Spotify?accounts to build? a list of performers without using Songkick's search feature?and it works surprisingly well. Songkick recognized nearly every artist?even the relatively unknown Death Grips. Songkick Concerts didn't recognize a Heems track, but overall I was impressed that the app has its ear tuned to both popular and underground acts.

The Songkick Experience
Songkick's Web site isn't as attractive as its Android app (I dare say that it's downright ugly), but it's simple to use despite lacking the slick panel-driven mobile interface. "Artists" displays a list of performer thumbnail image showing artists you manually added and those which Songkick automatically generated based on your music collection. Songkick displays the tour dates, tour venues, and locations when you click an artist link. You can also let others know if you're attending (by clicking "I'm going"/"I might go"), view similar artists, purchase tickets (from the likes of LiveNation, Stubhub!, and others sellers), and view other Songkick Concert users who plan to attend the same show (unfortunately, there's no way to interact with them).

"Calendar" displays the shows you may attend and artist tour dates. It also lets you add a date to Google Calendar if you prefer to house tour information there?a nice touch. "Locations" lets you add cities that you're willing to visit to attend shows. For example, I inputted Boston, New York, and Philadelphia, so Songkick Concerts only displayed tour dates from artists who are planning to appear in those cities. Songkick Concerts makes finding concerts very simple, and you don't have to worry about missing a show again.

Party On, Wayne
Whether you're a concert frequenter or simply want to see a live music show once in a while, Songkick is a Web site to visit. Songkick not only lets you view when your favorite performers are coming to town, but lets you purchase tickets, too. The site and mobile app quickly became my go-to app whenever the idea of attending a live show popped into in my head. Music fans: check out this site.

Jeff Wilson By Jeffrey L. Wilson

Jeffrey L. Wilson's love of all things shiny/digital has lead to jobs penning gadget- and video game-related nerd-copy for 2D-X, E-Gear, Laptop, LifeStyler, Parenting, Sync, Wise Bread, and WWE. He now brings that passion to...

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Quebec researcher catches DNA 'spelling mistakes' linked to breast cancer

Quebec researcher catches DNA 'spelling mistakes' linked to breast cancer [ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 27-Mar-2013
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Eva Kammer
ekammer@genomequebec.com
514-519-6910
Gnome Qubec

Working with an international consortium conducting research on breast, ovarian and prostate cancer among 200,000 people, Professor Jacques Simard, holder of the Canada Research Chair in Oncogenetics at Laval University, was actively involved in the discovery of DNA "spelling mistakes" linked to breast cancer. These mistakes known as genetic variations are directly involved in the risk of developing breast cancer.

The research was part of an international study on an unprecedented scale performed by the largest international consortia, the Collaborative Oncological Gene-Environment Study (COGS), coordinated by Professor Douglast Easton of Cambridge University. Given the scope of this international study and the impact of its findings, it will be featured in a series of articles in the prestigious science journal Nature Genetics on March 27, 2013. The results will also be presented in three additional articles published simultaneously in PLoS Genetics and The American Journal of Human Genetics.

Giant leap forward in breast cancer research

For over 20 years now, Professor Simard has been working at the CHU Qubec Research Centre on genetic susceptibility to breast cancer. These latest research findings helped identify 49 new genetic variations involved in the risk of developing this disease, almost tripling the number of variations now known. In the vast majority of breast cancer cases affecting the general population, it is the interaction between these genetic variations and other environmental and lifestyle factors that is involved in the development of the disease.

Professor Simard explains: "The vast amount of genetic information gathered through this study makes it one of the most significant breakthroughs in recent years in terms of understanding the inherited risk factors of breast cancer. It is now possible to develop a DNA profile where 5 percent of women have one in four chances of developing the disease." By understanding the genetic causes and their interaction with environmental factors, Professor Simard is paving the way for better prediction of breast cancer risk.

Qubec technological expertise at the heart of this achievement

Half of the samples used in the study over 100,000 were analyzed in Montral by genomic experts working at the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre.

Gnome Qubec President and CEO, Marc LePage, notes: "It was Professor Simard's leadership that secured the involvement in the project of the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre. He positioned the Centre's expertise and attracted many international teams, who could have had their findings analyzed anywhere in the world. This is unequivocal proof that we have built a genomic infrastructure of international repute. We are proud of our role in this worldwide study and applaud the work of all the researchers who participated, including Professor Mark Goldberg of the Research Institute of the McGill University Health Centre, who spearheaded the portion of the study on the interaction between genetic and environmental factors and its impact on the risk of developing breast cancer."

The $1.5 million investment by the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation played a key role in enabling Qubec researchers to take part in the international consortium. Francine Clroux, Executive Director of the Foundation, explains: "It is a major scientific breakthrough in breast cancer research and we are thrilled with the news. This discovery will make it easier to identify those women most at risk for the disease and offer them early screening and targeted prevention approaches."

###

Other partners include the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), which funded the international interdisciplinary research team working on the inherited risk of breast cancer spearheaded by Professor Simard.

About the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre

The McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre is a world-class research facility for genomics and proteomics. Founded in 2002, the Centre has developed world-renowned expertise in complex genetic disorders, such as cardiac disease, asthma and Type 2 diabetes and cancer, and has become a resource and networking site for various research initiatives in human health, forestry, infectious diseases, agriculture and environment. Major funding for the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre is provided by the Government of Canada through Genome Canada, and the Government of Qubec. For more information, visit http://www.genomequebec.com

About the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation

The Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation is a non-profit organization with a mission to fund breast cancer research, promote breast health through education and awareness activities, and provide support for those affected by the disease. For additional information, please visit http://www.rubanrose.org or observationdesseins.org.


[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

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AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


Quebec researcher catches DNA 'spelling mistakes' linked to breast cancer [ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 27-Mar-2013
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Eva Kammer
ekammer@genomequebec.com
514-519-6910
Gnome Qubec

Working with an international consortium conducting research on breast, ovarian and prostate cancer among 200,000 people, Professor Jacques Simard, holder of the Canada Research Chair in Oncogenetics at Laval University, was actively involved in the discovery of DNA "spelling mistakes" linked to breast cancer. These mistakes known as genetic variations are directly involved in the risk of developing breast cancer.

The research was part of an international study on an unprecedented scale performed by the largest international consortia, the Collaborative Oncological Gene-Environment Study (COGS), coordinated by Professor Douglast Easton of Cambridge University. Given the scope of this international study and the impact of its findings, it will be featured in a series of articles in the prestigious science journal Nature Genetics on March 27, 2013. The results will also be presented in three additional articles published simultaneously in PLoS Genetics and The American Journal of Human Genetics.

Giant leap forward in breast cancer research

For over 20 years now, Professor Simard has been working at the CHU Qubec Research Centre on genetic susceptibility to breast cancer. These latest research findings helped identify 49 new genetic variations involved in the risk of developing this disease, almost tripling the number of variations now known. In the vast majority of breast cancer cases affecting the general population, it is the interaction between these genetic variations and other environmental and lifestyle factors that is involved in the development of the disease.

Professor Simard explains: "The vast amount of genetic information gathered through this study makes it one of the most significant breakthroughs in recent years in terms of understanding the inherited risk factors of breast cancer. It is now possible to develop a DNA profile where 5 percent of women have one in four chances of developing the disease." By understanding the genetic causes and their interaction with environmental factors, Professor Simard is paving the way for better prediction of breast cancer risk.

Qubec technological expertise at the heart of this achievement

Half of the samples used in the study over 100,000 were analyzed in Montral by genomic experts working at the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre.

Gnome Qubec President and CEO, Marc LePage, notes: "It was Professor Simard's leadership that secured the involvement in the project of the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre. He positioned the Centre's expertise and attracted many international teams, who could have had their findings analyzed anywhere in the world. This is unequivocal proof that we have built a genomic infrastructure of international repute. We are proud of our role in this worldwide study and applaud the work of all the researchers who participated, including Professor Mark Goldberg of the Research Institute of the McGill University Health Centre, who spearheaded the portion of the study on the interaction between genetic and environmental factors and its impact on the risk of developing breast cancer."

The $1.5 million investment by the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation played a key role in enabling Qubec researchers to take part in the international consortium. Francine Clroux, Executive Director of the Foundation, explains: "It is a major scientific breakthrough in breast cancer research and we are thrilled with the news. This discovery will make it easier to identify those women most at risk for the disease and offer them early screening and targeted prevention approaches."

###

Other partners include the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), which funded the international interdisciplinary research team working on the inherited risk of breast cancer spearheaded by Professor Simard.

About the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre

The McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre is a world-class research facility for genomics and proteomics. Founded in 2002, the Centre has developed world-renowned expertise in complex genetic disorders, such as cardiac disease, asthma and Type 2 diabetes and cancer, and has become a resource and networking site for various research initiatives in human health, forestry, infectious diseases, agriculture and environment. Major funding for the McGill University and Gnome Qubec Innovation Centre is provided by the Government of Canada through Genome Canada, and the Government of Qubec. For more information, visit http://www.genomequebec.com

About the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation

The Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation is a non-profit organization with a mission to fund breast cancer research, promote breast health through education and awareness activities, and provide support for those affected by the disease. For additional information, please visit http://www.rubanrose.org or observationdesseins.org.


[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

?


AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-03/gq-qrc032613.php

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Charges: Pa. man bagged deer Wal-Mart lot deer

(AP) ? They say you can get almost anything at Wal-Mart. But the Pennsylvania Game Commission says one deer hunter took it too far.

Forty-year-old Arcangelo Bianco Jr. is charged with reckless endangerment and hunting law violations for allegedly shooting across a highway to kill a 10-point buck he spotted in a Wal-Mart parking lot in November.

Defense attorney Jason Huska declined comment Wednesday on the specific allegations but says his client denies wrongdoing. Bianco faces a preliminary hearing May 1 on charges reported by the Indiana Gazette (http://bit.ly/YEmOVY).

Wildlife Conservation Officer Jack Lucas says Bianco fired several shots in the parking lot then retrieved the deer from the side of the highway opposite the store, about 30 miles east of Pittsburgh.

Lucas says the buck is one of the nicest taken in the county in recent years.

___

Information from: The Indiana Gazette, http://www.indianagazette.com

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/aa9398e6757a46fa93ed5dea7bd3729e/Article_2013-03-27-Buck%20Shot%20From%20Lot/id-70406579971e4fb9a77edf76a62aa67b

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In your alignment inspection, your knowledgeable NorthShore Automotive & RV Repair technician will check your tires and your suspension system for damage. He?ll test your alignment to see if it?s within vehicle manufacturers specifications. If not, he?ll make necessary adjustments to get your truck wheels all pointing the same direction again.

If your truck pulls to one side, you feel a vibration in the steering wheel or your tires seem to be wearing abnormally, talk with your knowledgeable NorthShore Automotive & RV Repair service advisor. You may need to put an alignment inspection at NorthShore Automotive & RV Repair into your shopping cart.

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Remains of the Day: The iPhone Finally Comes to T-Mobile

Remains of the Day: The iPhone Finally Comes to T-MobileT-Mobile is finally getting the iPhone this Spring, some Windows 8 apps have a Google problem, Chrome gets better at spelling, and Xbox Music gets an update.

  • T-Mobile Un-leashes iPhone 5 With Incredible New Pricing and No Annual Contracts Today T-Mobile announced two major changes to its offerings. First, the company announced that it will begin to offer the iPhone to its customers on Friday, April 12. Customers can purchase the phone at its full, unsubsidized price (starting at $580) or with a $99 downpayment, with the rest to be paid in monthly installments. Also announced were new, streamlined Simple Choice plans that come with no annual contracts and unlimited talk/text and tiered 4G data?data will never be cut off, but throttled back to 2G/Edge. [T-Mobile]
  • Windows 8 Mail Update Now Available, Google Calendar Support Removed for Existing Users An update to the Windows 8 Mail, Calendar, and People apps has removed access to Google's Exchange ActiveSync protocol, barring users from syncing to Google Calendar, including those who had used the Windows 8 apps to set up Google accounts before the January 30th cutoff. [The Verge]
  • Oodles of Improvements to Chrome's Spell Checking Today's Chrome Stable release brings improved spell checking to the browser. The dictionaries have been refreshed for all supported languages, and Korean, Tamil, and Albanian have been added to the list. [Google Chrome Blog]
  • Xbox Music Updated With Volume Control, Cloud Sync Options, and Performance Improvements An update to the Xbox Music app brings independent volume controls and improved cloud control features like a preferences panel that syncs across all of your Xbox Music devices. [The Verge]
  • Introducing Pocket for Publishers: A New Way to Embrace ?Save for Later' Today Pocket launched Pocket for Publishers, a free tool for developers built for analytics and integrating Pocket into their products. Included is a new "Save to Pocket" button for web sites and support for paying customers of paywalled sites to access content through Pocket. [Pocket]

Photo by photastic (Shutterstock), a2bb5s (Shutterstock), and Feng Yu (Shutterstock).

Source: http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/lifehacker/full/~3/b5PeWKPjGn8/remains-of-the-day-the-iphone-finally-comes-to-t+mobile

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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Berezovky's billions: How the tycoon lost so much

FILE - A Friday, Aug. 31, 2012 photo from files showing Russian tycoon Boris Berezovsky talking to the media after losing his case against Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich as he leaves the High Court in London. United Kingdom police have said that Berezovsky has been found dead Saturday March 23, 2013.(AP Photo/Sang Tan, File)

FILE - A Friday, Aug. 31, 2012 photo from files showing Russian tycoon Boris Berezovsky talking to the media after losing his case against Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich as he leaves the High Court in London. United Kingdom police have said that Berezovsky has been found dead Saturday March 23, 2013.(AP Photo/Sang Tan, File)

(AP) ? How do you burn through billions?

The unexplained death of Boris Berezovsky, whose body was found Saturday inside his upscale English home, has refocused attention on the fantastic wealth racked up by Russia's ruthless oligarchs ? and their propensity for spending it. Berezovsky, 67, had once been considered Russia's richest man ? but by this January, a British judge was wondering whether the tycoon would be able to pay his debts.

Police say Berezovsky's death is unexplained but that there was no evidence of anyone else being involved. His lawyer said the oligarch had been in "a horrible, terrible" emotional state. Because the tycoon had survived several assassination attempts, including a 1994 car bomb in Moscow, there was speculation as to whether his death was natural, part of a conspiracy or a suicide.

To understand how one man could lose so much money, it helps to see how he made it in the first place.

___

FOUNDATIONS OF A FORTUNE

Berezovsky, a mathematician, made his fortune in the 1990s during the catastrophic privatization of the Soviet Union's state-run economy. That era was marked by hyperinflation, contract killings and rampant corruption. As Russia's GDP crumbled, oligarchs leveraged their ties to ruthless criminals and crooked officials to tear off huge chunks of the country's assets for themselves, draining resources and stripping factories to build fabulous fortunes.

Berezovsky ? whose interests ran from automobiles to airplanes to aluminum ? was one of this dark period's primary beneficiaries. He became a political operator in Russian President Boris Yeltsin's inner circle, trading on his connections to rack up assets estimated by Forbes to be worth roughly $3 billion in 1997.

"No man profited more from Russia's slide into the abyss," author Paul Klebnikov wrote in a critical profile of Berezovsky titled "Godfather of the Kremlin."

Eventually, the abyss began threatening Berezovsky as well.

The tycoon had been instrumental in orchestrating the accession of Yelstin's successor, Vladimir Putin, but when the new leader and Berezovsky began to clash, his political cover disintegrated. Berezovsky then fled the country in 2000, eventually claiming political asylum in Britain.

___

LIVING LARGE IN LONDON

How much money Berezovsky really had ? and how much he was able to take with him from Moscow ? remains shrouded in uncertainty. Rich Russians at the time routinely stashed their money in labyrinthine offshore trusts or held assets under the names of associates or family members. Many deals weren't even put into writing.

What's clear is that the 1998 Russian financial crisis, coupled with Berezovsky's spectacular fall from political grace, had a big impact on his bottom line. Forbes estimated his post-Moscow fortune in the hundreds of millions. Rival oligarch Roman Abramovich testified in court that Berezovsky had been down to his last $1 million when he fled Russia.

If Berezovsky were strapped for cash, he didn't show it. He rode around London in a reinforced Maybach limousine and was often seen huddled with business contacts in the exclusive hotels that line London's Hyde Park. His string of oversize mansions in England, France and the Caribbean suggested he was a cut above the average millionaire.

Russian officials seemed to believe that Berezovsky had plenty of cash on hand, trying ? with mixed success ? to claw back some of the exile's assets. Charges are still pending against him in relation to the alleged embezzlement of some $13 million from Russia's now-defunct SBS-Agro bank. Berezovsky had also previously been convicted in absentia of bilking hundreds of millions of rubles from the airline company Aeroflot and the carmaker AvtoVaz.

___

THE BILLS PILE UP

Berezovsky often expressed a fondness for Britain's legal system, despite his frequent and expensive encounters with it. A search of British court records throws up roughly three dozen judgments ? libel, fraud, divorce, breach of contract ? involving the tycoon in some way.

Berezovsky sued a business associate over a fraudulent loan. Other business associates sued him over a botched oil deal. Berezovsky sued Forbes over an unflattering profile. He sued Russian television for suggesting he had a hand in the poisoning death of ex-Russian KGB officer Alexander Litvinenko. His second wife sued him for a divorce. His girlfriend sued him for a house he'd promised her. He sued the wife of his long-time partner, Badri Patarkatsishvili, in a complicated dispute over how to split the man's assets after his death.

The sums involved were staggering. The loan deal was worth $5 million. His second divorce settlement in 2011 reportedly cost him 100 million pounds (about $154 million at the time). Patarkatsishvili's assets could be worth hundreds of millions more. The biggest lawsuit of all, against Abramovich for breach of contract and blackmail, was for a mind-boggling $5.6 billion.

Berezovsky lost the lawsuit against Abramovich last year and the judge involved stopped just short of calling him a liar. He was stuck with tens of millions of pounds in legal bills.

___

A FORTUNE FALTERS

Whatever the extent of Berezovsky's wealth, his expensive divorce, Patarkatsishvili's death and his paper mountain of litigation left it much reduced.

In 2008, Berezovsky was forced to sell the Darius, a 110-meter (360-foot) -long custom-built yacht that many believed was an attempt to compete with an even larger ship, the Eclipse, being built for Abramovich.

Earlier this month, the Times of London reported that Berezovsky was downsizing his art collection, selling off his homes, firing staff and closing his office in London's upscale Mayfair district.

In a January ruling in a dispute between Berezovsky and his ex-girlfriend Helena Gorbunova, High Court Judge George Mann wrote that the oligarch's fortune appeared to have been spread thin.

"On the evidence, Mr. Berezovsky is a man under financial pressure," he said.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/3d281c11a96b4ad082fe88aa0db04305/Article_2013-03-25-Britain-Berezovsky's%20Fortune/id-da43009a23ff4eddb32a29fcfe6d2396

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Travel Cheap With a Trunk That Transforms Into Its Own Hotel Room

If you're looking to explore the world on the cheap but the thought of sharing a hostel room with strangers creeps you out, designers Roberto De Luca and Antonio Scarponi have got you covered. The pair's Hotello is a rolling trunk that transforms into a 43 square foot hotel room complete with a bed, a desk, a lamp, a shelf, a locker, and even a privacy curtain. More »


Source: http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/gizmodo/full/~3/fvsuNS7JxY4/travel-cheap-with-a-trunk-that-transforms-into-its-own-hotel-room

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Advertising dependency for free social media sites makes for risky ...

When was the last time you clicked on a Facebook ad? Option A: You can?t remember. Option B: You never, ever click on any of the ads. Option C: Does anyone actually click on those ads?

Apparently people do, as 85 percent of Facebook?s revenue comes from advertisements ? the other 15 percent is from selling virtual goods.

There are two ways in which such statistics look good. Either a company is very good at targeting a niche market, or it is not so good but has a huge audience. Facebook is in the second category. In fact, because of the current low success rates of target advertisements, Internet businesses that provide free services have no alternative for survival but to become big enough so that their size can compensate ? unless they plan to subsist through donations, as Wikipedia does.

Two questions then arise. First, since there obviously isn?t a market for a lot of big social media websites, why is it that we keep seeing new social websites popping up? After all, people have to eventually stop looking at pictures of friends or cat videos and be productive. Second, why is target advertising so difficult that Internet companies can?t afford being small?

The answer to the second question is a paradox. On one hand, everyone would be delighted to hear about a product they would enjoy having, a new band they would love to listen to or a play they would like to see. On the other hand, most people are obsessed with privacy, refraining from giving personal information to this or that company. Although privacy is certainly a right, companies can?t provide more accurate ads without more precise information. There is no way around this. Not until artificial intelligence tools are so advanced that user preferences can be inferred by interpreting jokes and comments.

The first question is more obviously answered: There are a lot of investors, with no better idea about where to put their money, who are afraid of missing the ?next big thing.? That?s why we have Path, Tumblr, Pinterest and many other social media venues whose purposes intersect, and most of whom we don?t even hear about. Their business model? Advertising. Which one is going to grow enough to profit from advertising? Place your bets.

Apparently, there is no shortage of entrepreneurs who believe they have the perfect alternative to Facebook or a shortage of investors to back their startups. But we already have enough tools for connecting, liking and sharing. It is time for entrepreneurs and their funders to think of something else. According to recent reports about decline of time spent on and multi-week breaks from Facebook, some Internet users already are.

A version of this article was published in the Monday, March 25 print edition. Marcelo Cicconet is a staff columnist. Email him at opinion@nyunews.com.

Source: http://nyunews.com/2013/03/25/cicconet-11/

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Monday, March 25, 2013

Youth with diabetes at greater risk following transition from pediatric to adult care

Youth with diabetes at greater risk following transition from pediatric to adult care [ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 25-Mar-2013
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Amy Albin
aalbin@mednet.ucla.edu
310-794-8672
University of California - Los Angeles Health Sciences

Type 1 diabetes is a condition in which the body does not produce insulin and cannot convert sugar, starches and other food into energy. Generally diagnosed during childhood or adolescence, the disease requires lifelong access to medical care and intensive daily self-management.

As children with Type 1 diabetes grow into young adults, they must leave their pediatric health care providers for adult providers. But the timing of this process and its impact on the young people's health had not been fully explored.

In a new study published in the April issue of the journal Pediatrics and currently available online, UCLA researchers found that young people with Type 1 diabetes who had transitioned from pediatric to adult care were 2.5 times more likely to have chronically high blood glucose levels, putting them at higher risk for heart attacks, strokes, blindness and kidney failure later in life.

The estimated median age of patients when this transition occurred was 20.1 years, the researchers said, and 77 percent had left pediatric care by age 21.

The findings suggest that young adults need additional support and guidance when leaving their pediatric providers to avoid the risk of poor diabetes control.

"The transition to adulthood can include changes in health care providers, insurance and often living situations as patients move from high school to college or work," said the study's lead author, Dr. Debra Lotstein, an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and Mattel Children's Hospital UCLA. "These transitions can be challenging for anyone, but youth with a chronic health problem like diabetes are at risk of losing the support of their health care providers and their family that helps them stay healthy. When this transition goes poorly, it increases the risk of worse health outcomes in adulthood."

Previous research on youth with Type 1 diabetes in the U.S. had looked primarily at young people from a single diabetes specialty center or a single geographic area, or it had examined youth at just one point in time either before or after leaving pediatric care. The current study, however, involved the largest national cohort of youth with Type 1 diabetes in the U.S. to be followed over a period of time.

Researchers analyzed data from the multi-center SEARCH for Diabetes in Youth Study, which has tracked children and young adults with diabetes from six centers across the country since 2002. The cohort included 185 adolescents and young adults with Type 1 diabetes who were enrolled in the study in the year after their diabetes was diagnosed. The youth included in these analyses were cared for by pediatric diabetes physicians at the time of their initial study visit and were followed for an average of 4.5 years.

The authors found that a young patient's type of insurance public versus private insurance, for instance made no difference in the switch to adult care, but they did observe that older patient age, lower levels of parental education and lower baseline blood-glucose levels were independently associated with increased odds of transitioning to adult care.

"One surprise was that those patients with poor diabetes control were more likely to stay with their pediatric providers, compared to others," Lotstein said. "We theorized that that the doctors have a higher level of concern for those patients with poor control and may care for them longer in an attempt to prevent their condition from worsening."

The next stage in the research, the authors said, is to directly follow young adults transitioning to adult care to see what happens as they age and to examine how different types of support aimed at easing the transition affect health outcomes.

###

The SEARCH for Diabetes in Youth Study is funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and National Institutes of Health's National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases.

Additional study authors included Michael Seid (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Dr. Georgeanna Klingensmith (University of Colorado Denver School of Medicine); Doug Case, (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); Jean M. Lawrence, (Kaiser Permanente Southern California); Dr. Cathernine Pihoker (University of Washington); Dr. Dana Dabelea (Colorado School of Public Health); Elizabeth J. Mayer-Davis, (University of North Carolina); Dr. Lisa K. Gilliam (Kaiser Permanente Northern California) Dr. Sarah Corathers (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Dr. Giuseppina Imperatore (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention); Dr. Lawrence Dolan (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Andrea Anderson (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); Ronny A. Bell, (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); and Beth Waitzfelder, (Center for Health Research, Kaiser Permanente, Hawaii).

The authors have no financial ties to disclose.


[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

?


AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


Youth with diabetes at greater risk following transition from pediatric to adult care [ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 25-Mar-2013
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Amy Albin
aalbin@mednet.ucla.edu
310-794-8672
University of California - Los Angeles Health Sciences

Type 1 diabetes is a condition in which the body does not produce insulin and cannot convert sugar, starches and other food into energy. Generally diagnosed during childhood or adolescence, the disease requires lifelong access to medical care and intensive daily self-management.

As children with Type 1 diabetes grow into young adults, they must leave their pediatric health care providers for adult providers. But the timing of this process and its impact on the young people's health had not been fully explored.

In a new study published in the April issue of the journal Pediatrics and currently available online, UCLA researchers found that young people with Type 1 diabetes who had transitioned from pediatric to adult care were 2.5 times more likely to have chronically high blood glucose levels, putting them at higher risk for heart attacks, strokes, blindness and kidney failure later in life.

The estimated median age of patients when this transition occurred was 20.1 years, the researchers said, and 77 percent had left pediatric care by age 21.

The findings suggest that young adults need additional support and guidance when leaving their pediatric providers to avoid the risk of poor diabetes control.

"The transition to adulthood can include changes in health care providers, insurance and often living situations as patients move from high school to college or work," said the study's lead author, Dr. Debra Lotstein, an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and Mattel Children's Hospital UCLA. "These transitions can be challenging for anyone, but youth with a chronic health problem like diabetes are at risk of losing the support of their health care providers and their family that helps them stay healthy. When this transition goes poorly, it increases the risk of worse health outcomes in adulthood."

Previous research on youth with Type 1 diabetes in the U.S. had looked primarily at young people from a single diabetes specialty center or a single geographic area, or it had examined youth at just one point in time either before or after leaving pediatric care. The current study, however, involved the largest national cohort of youth with Type 1 diabetes in the U.S. to be followed over a period of time.

Researchers analyzed data from the multi-center SEARCH for Diabetes in Youth Study, which has tracked children and young adults with diabetes from six centers across the country since 2002. The cohort included 185 adolescents and young adults with Type 1 diabetes who were enrolled in the study in the year after their diabetes was diagnosed. The youth included in these analyses were cared for by pediatric diabetes physicians at the time of their initial study visit and were followed for an average of 4.5 years.

The authors found that a young patient's type of insurance public versus private insurance, for instance made no difference in the switch to adult care, but they did observe that older patient age, lower levels of parental education and lower baseline blood-glucose levels were independently associated with increased odds of transitioning to adult care.

"One surprise was that those patients with poor diabetes control were more likely to stay with their pediatric providers, compared to others," Lotstein said. "We theorized that that the doctors have a higher level of concern for those patients with poor control and may care for them longer in an attempt to prevent their condition from worsening."

The next stage in the research, the authors said, is to directly follow young adults transitioning to adult care to see what happens as they age and to examine how different types of support aimed at easing the transition affect health outcomes.

###

The SEARCH for Diabetes in Youth Study is funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and National Institutes of Health's National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases.

Additional study authors included Michael Seid (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Dr. Georgeanna Klingensmith (University of Colorado Denver School of Medicine); Doug Case, (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); Jean M. Lawrence, (Kaiser Permanente Southern California); Dr. Cathernine Pihoker (University of Washington); Dr. Dana Dabelea (Colorado School of Public Health); Elizabeth J. Mayer-Davis, (University of North Carolina); Dr. Lisa K. Gilliam (Kaiser Permanente Northern California) Dr. Sarah Corathers (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Dr. Giuseppina Imperatore (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention); Dr. Lawrence Dolan (Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center); Andrea Anderson (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); Ronny A. Bell, (Wake Forest University School of Medicine); and Beth Waitzfelder, (Center for Health Research, Kaiser Permanente, Hawaii).

The authors have no financial ties to disclose.


[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

?


AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-03/uoc--ywd032513.php

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Saudi official warns against fighting in Syria

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (AP) ? The Saudi Interior Ministry spokesman has warned Saudis fighting in Syria they will be arrested when they return home.

Maj. Gen. Mansour al-Turki says "involvement in the Syrian crisis is against Saudi laws."

Al-Turki said Monday authorities will also crack down on those planning to travel to Syria to join the fighting there and that some Saudis who joined the Syrian conflict have already fought for al-Qaida outside the kingdom.

He also commented on last week's arrest of an 18-member spying ring in the kingdom.

The ministry has said the detainees included an Iranian, a Lebanese and 16 Saudis who were suspected of "gathering information about vital installations and locations."

Iran denied any involvement in the case. Al-Turki says the kingdom did not implicate any specific country.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/saudi-official-warns-against-fighting-syria-094029992.html

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Improved Workplace Communication is a Key to Business Success ...

Workplace communication is assuming greater importance in the rapidly changing global business environment. An organization?s bread and butter come from the workplace and although communication may be working effectively at higher echelons, any breakdown in workplace communication can adversely affect the entire organization. It is necessary for companies to ensure that lower level communication is transparent and effective. Organizations attach great importance to corporate level communication with regular and informative newsletters emanating from Head Office. However, the quality and extent of communication may be dismal at supervisory, sales and shop-floor levels. The interpersonal skills of workers, supervisors and team leaders are especially critical at such levels as these are people with whom frontline managers develop working relationships.

http://www.metrodenvergreens.org/wp-content/uploads/Workplace-Communication

Over time, such relationships become close and personal, but the opposite can also happen. Many exit surveys have shown that employees have left an organization because of poor working relationship with an immediate superior. Therefore, it is essential that managers institutionalize effective lower-level communication channels. Of equal importance is communication between and within levels. Intra-national and international competition is now so fierce that everyone in the organization needs to collaborate closely on solving organizational challenges and achieving agreed strategic objectives. Any organization saddled with communication barriers is erring on the wrong side. The main reason behind ineffective communication at workplace is the loose perception that lower level communication is just a cake-walk. Unlike normal day-to-day communication, workplace communication covers different levels and aspects such as marketing, customer relations, management etc. With such diversity, managers must be equipped with unique skill sets for effective communication at workplace. Workplace communication involves individuals, teams or large groups.

One should also lend credence to the life-cycle and size of the organization. The importance of setting up structures, systems and processes for effective lower level communication should never be underestimated. Organizational and employee communication surveys can determine how well communication systems and practices are contributing to the organization?s performance; or how much they are hindering performance. This information can help managers in devising an effective employee communication strategy. Whatever be the type of organization or the nature of its business, communication practices impact every facet of the company. Although managers spend most of their time communicating, it does not mean that meaningful communication occurs in all exchanges. Once a memorandum, letter, fax, or e-mail has been sent, many are inclined to believe that communication has taken place.

George Bernard Shaw said; ?The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.? This quote pretty much sums up the root cause of all conflicts in the workplace. Often, it is seen that managers do not realize the importance of communication at work and fail to convey their ideas, organizational goals, vision, etc. with enough clarity. When seniors in the organization neglect the need for open and clear communication, the work culture is negatively impacted with consequent loss of productivity. An organization where sharing of information is poor, workplace issues crop up resulting in high employee turnover and wastage of organizational resources is unprofessional. To avoid these, effective communication at work should be encouraged which can help in:

  • Team building
  • Creating job satisfaction
  • Increased transparency
  • Enhanced productivity
  • Better work prospects
  • Proper utilization of resources
  • Reduced incidences of conflicts
  • Shortened project completion time
  • Development of long-term relationships

Advances in technological communication have stymied an individual?s ability to connect on a personal level with co-workers. The modern means of mobile telephony, SMS and emails have their importance, but they have one downside. They have done away with the age-old and necessary informational effects like the facial expressions, body language, speaking cadence and intonation. Since effective workplace communication is largely interpersonal, technology is not much of a help in this respect. It has been widely accepted that great professional relationships cannot be fully developed without the keen awareness of personal courtesy, act of attentive listening, whole-hearted participation and situation-appropriate body language.

Source: http://www.blogbigtime.com/improved-workplace-communication-is-a-key-to-business-success/

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